Libby’s Post – At least I got my pirate

Halloween candy

Image courtesy Luke Jones via Flickr

So, I woke up this morning with a hangover. Yep, a vampire hangover.

The day began like any other Halloween. I had plenty of candy for the kids. My yard was decorated with a couple of uncarved pumpkins and a sign that said, ‘boo’ on the door. It was a step up from last year and I didn’t want to call attention to myself, you know.

After the last of the rug rats came by, I planned to head to the bar down the street. They have a costume contest every year.

And that’s where I was stuck. What was I going to be? A vampire is a total cop out. It’s like when a doctor or a nurse dresses as a doctor or a nurse. Seriously, the point is to be something you’re not. Then there’s the slayer option. I’d make an awesome Buffy Summers, but I had a feeling plenty of vamps had already been there, done that.

I strolled the makeshift aisles of the Halloween store. Some of the costumes were immediately placed in the ‘no’ category. A wicked witch costume? Not enough leg. A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle? I didn’t even know an adult woman would dress as such a thing.

And I ruled out anything with face makeup. All of that greasy, comedogenic crap on your face. No thank you.

Halloween Store

Image courtesy Kimco Realty via Flickr

My eyes went from package to package, really just looking for the word sexy. Anything can be made sexy nowadays. I’m pretty sure I once saw a sexy lobster costume.

I settled on a sexy mermaid. I guess I wanted to see how well I could walk dressed as a fish. And I thought it would be quite the sight. A vampire mermaid feeding off Batman or a pirate. Yes, I would have to find a pirate to feed on.

I was beginning to get in the spirit, so I quickly took a drink from one of the clerks behind the store. Don’t worry. She’ll be all right. I left her with plenty of blood and a couple of no nonsense fashion tips.

It was around 5:00 p.m. when I heard my front door open. I ran, well shimmied, downstairs and there was Evan, home early.

“Nice costume,” he said, dropping his bag with a thud.

“Oh thanks, I’m a mermaid.” I gave him a hug that hardly felt reciprocated.

“Really? I thought you were a vampire.” He pulled away and gave a small smile.

I adjusted my seashells. “Oh, right. I’ve always loved your sarcasm.”

He sat on the couch and folded his hands in his lap. “Guess what, my dear Libby. We’re having a party. Tonight.”

“Uh, what?”

“Don’t worry. I’ve already invited everyone. Some co-workers, some friends. I went through your phone contacts to make sure I got everyone.”

“My phone contacts?” Crap. Why was I stupid enough to have Nerdo Vamp and Brian in there?

Garlic cloves

Image courtesy Crispin Semmens via Flickr

He pointed to his bag sitting by the door. “I even got some chips and dip. It’s garlic. Everyone loves garlic.” He looked at his watch and then back at me. “People should be arriving any minute.”

I began to freak out. I tried to protest, make excuses. Evan just kept saying something along the lines of: “Well, Libby, is there a reason we can’t have a party? Is there something you need to tell me? You better say something before everyone gets here.”

My brain scrambled to come up with something. I was usually a great liar.

Then the doorbell rang. It was Zed. Zed from the Yoga Spot dressed as a marijuana leaf.

Evan ran to the door and greeted the leaf. “The wine goes in the kitchen,” he said.

“Uh, okay.” Zed slipped through the door and started toward the kitchen. “Bummer, am I the first one here?”

“Yep,” I said, giving Evan the nastiest look I could.

Zed came back into the living room looking confused. “I thought this was supposed to be a surprise party.”

“Well it still is.” I took Zed’s arm. “I’m surprised. Come on. Let’s get you a glass of wine.”

The doorbell rang again and I hoped it was one of Evan’s friends. Or not. I wasn’t sure what to hope for.

I peeked around the corner. Now Nerdo Vamp, Brian and Mr. Brown Eyes were all standing at the door. That’s when I knew Evan knew. He was on his third attempt at inviting them in, without actually inviting them in.

“Please come in,” I yelled from the kitchen.

Nerdo Vamp rounded the corner and whispered in my ear.

I replied under my breath, “He knows.”

“Knows what?” Evan said loudly. “That you’ve been talking to animals and having an affair with this vampire?” He pointed at Brian.

The room went silent. Zed was the first to speak up. “Dude. He’s not a vampire. He’s like a zombie or something.”

“Goblin,” Brian corrected him.

Nerdo Vamp cleared his throat. “Well, everyone, it seems Libby and her husband have some personal matters to attend to.” He took Zed and led him out of the kitchen. “We should give them some privacy, don’t you think?”

Brian squeezed my arm on the way out and whispered, “Call me.”

So then Evan and I had the talk. At first he seemed to take it okay, but then the truth finally settled in. It’s one thing to think you know something and another for it to be confirmed. He left around 10:30. Said he needed time to think and be alone.

He left still believing I was having an affair. Probably because he was once a cheater. It’s hard when you’ve broken someone’s trust. You end up certain they’ll do the same to you.

Pirate

Image courtesy Frank Kovalchek via Flickr

So, I went to the bar and had a few drinks. I didn’t call Brian. I drank alone. After a sexy alligator won the costume contest, I went outside and fed on my pirate. He was tasty, but almost too intoxicated to hold himself upright. I left him next to the dumpster and walked home, stumbling over my fishtail.

There was a note taped to the front door. It was from Evan. I put it on the coffee table and went to bed.

And now that I’ve taken my ibuprofen and forced like a gallon of water down my throat, I’m ready to read it. It said that he had a secret too. He was going to tell me last night, but lost the courage. He wanted to meet at the Waffle House at 1:00 p.m. How considerate. He must have known I’d be too hung over to meet any earlier.  And I do love waffles.

**Why not start the series from the beginning? Click here to read about Libby’s first day as a vampire**

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Less Wordy Wednesday (Fire up the cauldron)

[Dim the lights]

[Cue spooky Music]

[The fireplace crackles sinisterly]

[I step away from the cauldron and don my witch hat. My all black cat joins me on the rickety rocking chair]

In my spookiest, cackling witch voice: Gather ’round my dearies because October is upon us. It’s time for ghouls and goblins. Time for the things that go bump in the night. And to prepare for the festivities I offer a spectacle of terrifying lawn decor:

tombstones

First are the homemade tombstones, enough to frighten even the bravest souls. And watch out, there’s a freakish ghoul that roams these parts wearing pajama pants and an olive green winter coat.

Scarecrow

Next is the scarecrow that wears my husband’s clothes. Look how lifelike he appears (no I’m talking about the guy with the pumpkin head… the one sitting in the chair). The creature was so lifelike I thought he might make good use of that rake, but alas he just sat there, watching the leaves pile up.

Snow Witch

And lastly, the Snow Witch. No, a Snow Witch is not a real thing. She was magically created from the Halloween snow that fell four years ago. What sets her apart from a snowman is the witch hat on her head and the spiders crawling across her body. If you look closely one of these spiders made a guest appearance as “spider drinking water” in Monday’s post.

[I rise and add oregano to the cauldron (because I’m out of italian seasoning), most certainly annoying the cat that had been in my lap. He casts a vengeful glare before sulking into the other room]

[The spooky music begins to fade]

In my witch voice again: That’s all for this week my dearies. Please stop by next week for more hauntingly scary photos–if you dare! Bwahh ha ha.