Evan’s post – I won’t be kept in the dark any longer

My wife is a vampire. And I’ve known for some time. Because I know when she is lying. I might be a frat boy turned investment banker, but I’m not stupid.

Courtesy SickestFame via Flickr

Courtesy SickestFame via Flickr

She was lying the first time we met, that day by the lockers, when she was harassing my sister. Her nose crinkled up and her eyes searched for a believable story. She was beautiful. A beautiful liar.

I’m not mad. I’m not. I’m frustrated. Why do our lives have to be a charade, an act hidden behind a perfectly constructed façade? I’m tired of it. But she never seems to grow weary, at least that I can tell. She goes on, day to day, like everything is a damn 80’s sitcom.

Then there’s her “friend” that keeps coming by. I’m assuming he’s a vampire too. Maybe he’s the one who turned her or maybe he’s just some guy she met at a vampire potluck. Either way I’m not happy about it. But what can I do? I couldn’t control her when she was human. And now I feel even more powerless. Trapped in my own world of lies and now hers.

But I love her. I always will. As long as she lets me. As long as time and circumstance allow me.

We’ll get through this. I know we will. She’s my Libby. She’s the reason I became who I am. She’s the reason I keep fighting. She’s the reason I lie, the reason I keep secrets–mine, hers and ours.

I guess it could be worse. At least she’s not leaving dead bodies everywhere. I already pay Lucille far more than she’s worth to scrub a toilet and mop some floors. I can’t imagine the fee for dead body removal.

Courtesy Sam Pullara via Flickr

Courtesy Sam Pullara via Flickr

I do have a plan though–for Halloween night. Secrets are going to be shared. I’m dead set on it.

**Why not start the series from the beginning? Click here to read about Libby’s first day as a vampire**

Libby’s Post – I chose the zoo over the mall, I must be bored

Courtesy of FotoSleuth via Flickr

Courtesy of FotoSleuth via Flickr

On Wednesday we went out again. Brian picked me up this time, arriving in a shiny BMW sedan–a car far cooler than he ever was. The car was freezing when I got in and the cold leather shocked my bare thighs. I pulled my shorts down to protect what skin I could.

“Why is like Antarctica in here?” I asked trying to smooth the goose bumps on my arms.

“Oh, sorry,” he replied turning the AC setting from ‘wicked ice age’ to ‘a polar bear would probably still be comfortable’. “I guess I just run hot.”

We were on our way to the zoo. A place I hadn’t been since I was 12. It was Brian’s idea. He called me up yesterday and asked if I wanted to go.

My new vampire life oddly seeming more boring than my human one, I figured it was the zoo with Brian or another shopping trip to Nordys, alone.

I’ll be honest; things have been kind of sucky since I turned. I can’t tell anyone my secret, not my husband, my best friend Emme or even Zed at the Yoga Spot, who by the way, has been super psyched by my recent performance in class.

I also have to regularly suck on strangers’ necks and you all know how I feel about that. And I’ve been forced into this whole Lost Colony drama with Emme. And what do I think about history? BORING.

So that is how my days have been spent: a little yoga, some blood sucking, a trip to the mall, more blood sucking and then a visit to Emme’s house to hear her blabber on about that stupid colony. And I have to pretend to be interested. God, I am such a good friend.

Courtesy Chris Christner via Flickr

Courtesy Chris Christner via Flickr

Brian led me through the turnstile and stopped in front of the snack shop.

“Not more pizza,” I said, pretending to gag.

He grabbed my arm and yanked me inside. “No, even better. They have nachos, with that liquid cheese.”

Courtesy Gabriel Flores Romero via Flickr

Courtesy Gabriel Flores Romero via Flickr

A few minutes later we walked past the camels and into a section with all sorts of antelopey like things. Brian ate his nachos and I drank my cherry slushie.

“So, how have you been holding up?” he asked.


“Are you sure? Because last week I told you that you were marked for death.”

Courtesy Rob Bulmahn via Flickr

Courtesy Rob Bulmahn via Flickr

I stopped to read about one of the striped antelopey things. It was a Lesser Kudo. “Yep, I’m sure. Thanks for the warning though.”

“Libby,” he stood squarely in front of me, his eyes boring into mine, “I told you someone is trying to kill you and you aren’t the slightest bit concerned?”

“Uh, I am concerned,” my eyes focused on the tray of soggy tortilla chips, “but it’s not something I want you to worry about.”

“How, can I not worry? You’re my friend.” He kept talking but my mind wandered.

I wanted to tell him. Tell him everything I knew. Tell him this was all much bigger than he could imagine. But I didn’t want to put him danger. Erasmus was dead set on getting his way. It didn’t matter who died along the way.

“Libby, are you even listening?” Brian waved his nacho tray in the air and leaned his face close to mine.

“Um, sort of.”

“It’s all a joke, Libby. I made it up.”

My brow furrowed. “What do you mean a joke?”

“After I became a vampire I sort of found everyone who was involved that night and got back at them. Nothing terrible. Just some practical jokes.”

Courtesy Martin Pettitt via Flickr

Courtesy Martin Pettitt via Flickr

“And my practical joke was to tell me I’m going to be killed.”

He started toward the giraffes, talking under his breath. But I could still hear him. “It probably wasn’t the best idea. It’s just hard to freak out a vampire. You have to go a little bigger. I was going to tell you right then and there, as soon as you freaked out, but you never did. Then I waited for you to call and you never did. So, here we are.” His eyes got all puppy dog like.  “I’m sorry, Libby.”

“So you added my initials to that tree?”

“All of the trees.”

“All of the initials, on all the trees?”

He stopped and looked to the ground. “There is no burial ground back there. I made it all up.”

“Wow,” I tried not to laugh. “You must be even more bored than I am.”

“I do have a lot of time on my hands.”

He chucked the plastic nacho container in the trash. “So, you’re not mad at me?”

I handed him my empty slushie cup. “I don’t know about mad, but you’d better watch your back. I can be vindictive.” I stood back and tried to look sinister.

We went from one exhibit to the next, talking (quietly of course) about what he’d learned so far about being a vampire. I tried to stay focused on his stories, but one thought kept creeping back into my mind–Brian’s confession only changed one thing: my burial site.

**Why not start the series from the beginning? Click here to read about Libby’s first day as a vampire**

Libby’s Post: What’s with all the cheese?

I am so over him right now. My heels are caked in mud, I have two broken nails and I missed Dr. Oz., all because my old tutor has a hunch. A ridiculous hunch that I am going to be killed.

To that I say, whatever, I’m not worried. I’ve taken Tae Bo. I know how to defend myself.

Courtesy Rob Boudon via Flickr

Courtesy Rob Boudon via Flickr

We met last week at the arcade–I thought because it was the last place someone would suspect to find a vampire. Well, let’s just say the guy still enjoys a good game of laser tag.

I recognized him right away, standing in front of the old-school Pac Man game. He got me to play a couple of rounds and I’m pretty sure he let me win, twice. He never used to let me win.

After another win for me, this time at air hockey, we got a pizza and sat at a table in the middle of the snack area. He insisted on getting extra cheese.

“You know I love cheese,” he said grinning. “And being a vampire I can eat as much as I want.”

“Shh.” My gaze shifted to the pre-teens around us. No need to worry, they were all on their phones.

He folded his slice in half and took a huge bite.

“So, Brian,” I straightened the napkin on my lap, “I’m so sorry for what happened. You know, in school.”

He pulled the ends of his pizza slice apart and poured more Parmesan on top. “Needs more cheese.”

Courtesy British Mum via Flickr

Courtesy British Mum via Flickr

“Uh, yeah.” My hands smoothed the edges of the thin paper napkin. “Like I said, I’m really sorry. I was a terrible friend.”

I watched him chew a disgustingly gooey bite, his throat struggling to choke down greasy blob.

“No worries, Libby. We were kids then. I don’t hold any grudges.” He took my hand and squeezed it. “I’ve moved on.”

He was just as sweet as I’d remembered. But now his geeky T-shirt and dark-framed glasses made him look cool. And he was young. The jerk hadn’t aged at all. I was suddenly annoyed. How dare he age better than me? Or I guess not age.

“So what happened to you?” I asked, pushing gobs of cheese to the side of my plate.

He took a long sip off his straw, his eyes fixed on mine. “I came to the party to say goodbye. We were leaving that night and I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again.”

“Oh, I didn’t know… I mean, where were you going?”

“I never told you about him, my vampire friend. We met soon after you and I started our tutoring sessions. He was impressed with my computer skills and asked if I wanted a job. He offered me the chance of a lifetime.”

My brain latched on to the most confusing piece of his story. “Computers? I didn’t know you were good with computers. You were a philosophy tutor.”

He shook his head and leaned forward. “I sucked at philosophy. I hated it. I was just better at it than you.” His hand grabbed mine and squeezed it again. “I was there when you signed up. I volunteered so I could be with you.”

I didn’t pull my hand away.

“So you left with this vampire? Just walked away from your life?”

“I was young, Libby. All I wanted was to be with you and I knew that wouldn’t happen. So, I ran away.” He cleared his throat. “When I came to say goodbye, I was hoping you would ask me to stay, tell me you cared for me, but instead those meatheads beat the crap out of me. A few hours later, my friend found me, scraped me off the ground and I never looked back.”

“So you’ve been working for him ever since?”

He slid a fourth slice of pizza to his plate. “Yeah, it’s been great. I’ve never regretted it once. And it’s been great to see you, Libby. How’s vampire life treating you?”

I struggled to answer his question honestly. My vampire life was pathetic compared to his. He was confident and composed and I was still trying to figure out why coffee still burned my tongue.

And then today he dragged me through the cemetery, over the back gate and then another half a mile through the woods. Some warning about proper attire would have been nice. My Jimmy Choos can only take so much.

Courtesy Stephen Boisvert via Flickr

Courtesy Stephen Boisvert via Flickr

He stopped suddenly and pointed at a tree. “There.”

There were two letters carved into it. “So?”

“Libby, I think you’ve been marked. This,” he circled around pointing to the forest around him, “this is where Erasmus buries his kills. Each tree is marked with the initials of the vampire buried below it.”

My initials were carved into the tree, but so? There could be tons of vampires with the same initials. Then I saw the date below it.

Courtesy Stuart Heath via Flickr

Courtesy Stuart Heath via Flickr

“Libby, that’s your birthday.” He rubbed his fingers across the wood. “Erasmus takes pride in tracking the birthdates of his victims. He kills without regard, the young and the old. His goal is to have a kill born from each decade.” His gaze moved to the woods behind me. “Back there he has some of his oldest victims. Vampires from the 1300s.”

I drove home muddy and tired, pondering the possibility that the next door to door salesman could be a killer, ready to stake me dead. Like I said, I’m not worried. I’m just annoyed Brian went through all that just to tell me something I already know.

I mean, my friend Emme’s dog already told me.

**Why not start the series from the beginning? Click here to read about Libby’s first day as a vampire**

Libby’s Post: The Neighborhood Birds Are Talking To Me


Image courtesy longhorndave via Flickr

I was making the bed this morning… yes, I still sleep in a bed. A coffin would be way too creepy and talk about cliché. And I’m pretty sure my husband would suspect something was going on. I’m not quite ready to have the, “honey we need to talk,” talk.

So, I was making the bed as a surprise for Evan. I never usually bother because it’s just going to get all messed up again anyway. But he was so sweet last night; I thought I would at least tidy up a bit before he came home.

Then I did all those annoying things that I guess I will be doing FOR LIKE ETERNITY. I brushed my teeth, fixed my hair, applied anti-aging creams and lotions. Mid slather, I stopped myself. Do I even need these anymore?

facial products

Image courtesy Mainstream via Flickr

I think not! I tossed them all in the trash and then quickly dug them all back out. I should probably check with someone on that first.

I also put my contacts in, cursing the most annoying part of my routine. My eyes went bad in middle school. I’m nearsighted. Or farsighted. I can never keep the two straight. I can’t see far away, whichever that one is. And I guess I never will. So far all this vampire thing has done for me is a little extra strength and instead of just sensing how animals feel, now they’re all yacking away at me all the time!


Image courtesy grendelkahn via Flickr

Just this morning a robin was telling me how much he liked the worms in my backyard, compared to my neighbors. I swear he said that. To me. I don’t know if I’m more surprised by the fact that they are talking to me or by their proficient use of the English language.

Anyway, the reason I was telling you about my morning routine was that today it wasn’t so routine. Just as I was heading to Starbucks to get my grande skinny latte (like I always do), my college tutor showed up (the one from my confession last week). We’d already met on Tuesday and uh, had quite the reunion. But now he was parked in front of my house all skittish and worried. I couldn’t go with him; I had to meet Emme.

So, I promised I’d meet him tomorrow… at the cemetery??


**Why not start the series from the beginning? Click here to read about Libby’s first day as a vampire**

Libby’s post – I can’t believe I’m telling you this

Image courtesy Richard Hurd via Flickr

Ew! Frat guys can be so icky.                                          (Image courtesy Richard Hurd via Flickr)

I have a confession. A big one. Like huge. And you’ll probably never think of me the same and I don’t blame you. And maybe I don’t care. But I have to tell someone what I did.

That guy. The one on Nerdo Vamp’s website. I left him for dead. There he was flat on the ground, blood seeping from his nose, and I walked away. Worse, I shouted, “Loser,” and rolled my eyes as I did it.

And then into the frat house I went, ready to shotgun beers and judge freshmen who’d gained the dreaded fifteen.

It was my fifth year in college and he was my philosophy tutor. He had the most adorable freckles on his nose and always ate string cheese. He wasn’t a total dork like Nerdo Vamp, but he wasn’t the kind of guy I should be seen with.

But I liked him. Evan was out of the picture (we were on a break!) and this guy made me feel good. So, we hung out a few times at his house and watched movies and maybe kissed. All right, we definitely kissed.

Image via Joe Cereghino via Flickr

The frat guys
(Image via Joe Cereghino via Flickr)

So, he decided to show up at the big Kegs and Eggs party, uninvited. Then he dared to compliment Serena in front of Moose. Let’s just say Moose had a brain like my subscription to the New Yorker–not getting much use. Kinda that whole “beer good, nerds bad” mentality.

The frat guys hauled him outside and took turns beating him with a bat. I just stood there, trying to look amused. It was supposed to be funny. Right? A bunch of drunk jerks beating the crap out of my not so cool friend.

On the inside I was freaking out, but what could I do? All my friends were there. I was in the running for big sister of the year. No one could know we were friends, or worse had kissed. I’d be blackballed.

And it was his fault for crashing the party. Why would he go somewhere he didn’t belong?

The next morning he was gone. I looked for him around campus and went to his house a few times, but I never saw him again. Even his furniture had disappeared. It was as if he never existed.

A few months later, Evan and I got back together and that was it. I didn’t really think about him again.

And now, there he was, in a suit, smiling at me from Nerdo Vamp’s website.  He was listed as a consultant, along with two other suit-wearing men.

I let the phone ring twice and hung up. Did I really want to talk to him? Did I want to know what happened? Would he even want to talk to me? Was he a vampire too?

I dialed again and this time Nerdo Vamp answered. I asked him about the consultants on his website. Turns out my old friend is an identity specialist. He helps vampires transition into new lives once they’ve aged out of their current one. I guess the DMV can’t know that you’re going to be 32 forever. Neither can your neighbors, the IRS and the people at the Starbucks.

“Why, Libby, my dear you won’t need his services for quite some time. You should be fine for at least a decade or two,” Nerdo Vamp said.

“That’s fine. I just want to talk to him now. Get an idea of how the whole thing works.”

“Well, certainly. I will arrange something. How about next Tuesday?”

“Perfect.” I hung up the phone and went straight for my closet, where my next biggest decision awaited me. What was I going to wear??

(Image courtesy of Koen Dries via Flickr)

I’d like to say this is what my closet looks like right now, but my maid only comes over once week. Sometimes Evan is so cheap!
(Image courtesy of Koen Dries via Flickr)

**Why not start the series from the beginning? Click here to read about Libby’s first day as a vampire**

Libby’s Post – The only vampire I know is a nerd

Courtesy of BFS Man via Flickr

Courtesy of BFS Man via Flickr

We met at a breakfast café early Wednesday morning, and I found out he was just like me. This corduroy-wearing, thin as a rail, nerd was just like me.

Mr. Brown Eyes arranged the whole thing. He said we had to meet–we had common interests. When I first saw the guy I thought: As If!

But he cut right to the chase. He was a vampire too. A big, nerdo vampire.

Who knew something like this even existed? You would think with natural selection or evolution nerd vampires would go extinct. But there he was, sitting across from me, looking at me though those nerd glasses.

Thanks a lot, Mr. Brown Eyes. You somehow figured out my secret and instead of setting me up with the guys from The Vampire Diaries, or even staking me, you set me up with this geek.

He sort of looked like this guy. (Image courtesy of Andres Vilas via Flickr)

He sort of looked like this guy. I guess. I mean they all sort of look the same. (Image courtesy of Andres Vilas via Flickr)

So, Nerdo Vamp yammered away, while I tried to hide my face from the other breakfast eaters. I have an image to protect you know.

He smoothed his plaid button down shirt with spindly fingers. “Well, Libby, now that we are both privy to each other’s situations. I must tell you the reason for our meeting.”

I nodded.

“You see, I am a financial planner, for vampires. Now before you dismiss me, let me explain further.” He removed a gold embossed business card from his shirt pocket. “Vampires, especially those new to the lifestyle, have difficulties far beyond that of an ordinary human. We must plan for centuries of turbulence, the unknown, a life that stretches far beyond our imagination. A life that will be filled with great angst if not properly prepared for.”

I dropped the card into my purse and took a sip of tea. Could Nerdo be any more of a buzz kill?

“First tell me how you knew I was a vampire,” I said, trying not to stare at the muffin crumb dangling from his lip.

“Well yes, of course. How rude of me to dive right into my pitch without explaining more about us. My partner, the man you sold the home to, I have trained him to detect vampires. The small nuances, the subtle clues that give our kind away.” He reached for a lemon wedge, nearly knocking his water over. “Well, I’ve always been clumsy. Even vampirism couldn’t cure that.” He gave a sheepish smile and squirted lemon juice everywhere, but in his water glass. “I am especially interested in new vampires. And there has been so much activity in North Carolina, the Raleigh area.”

I popped a grape into my mouth, acting only semi-interested. “So, what was it about me that gave it away?”

“Well, Libby, you were dare I say, easy to sniff out.” He patted his lips with the napkin, finally ridding his face of the offending crumb. “Your fangs came out while you were showing the house.”

Courtesy Marek Isalski via Flickr

Courtesy Marek Isalski via Flickr

I shook my head.

“Yes, Libby, when you took the tumble in the bedroom. You might not recall since you took quite the hit to the head.”

“Oh,” I covered my mouth. “I guess I’m not as good at hiding it as I thought.”

“Don’t be alarmed. Your skill will improve with time.” He stole a look at his watch. “Well, Libby, I better be off. Please, take a look at my website and I’m on Twitter too.” He paused and let out a loud nerd laugh.

I tried not to wince.

“Who would have thought I’d be on Twitter? An old-fashioned guy like me. I was anti-wheel when it first came out.” He let out another nerd laugh. “You know, because I’m so old. Get it?”

The couple across from us whispered a few select words.

“Yeah, I get it. Very clever.”

“Yes, indeed.” He scooped up his briefcase and shook my hand. “Well, Libby it has been a pleasure meeting  you and I look forward to future conversations.”

I wiped my palm on the tablecloth and slunk back in my chair. Like I need Nerdo’s help. Evan and I have plenty of money. And I’m smart. I’ll just invest in real estate or gold or something.

My phone buzzed with a new text message. It was Mr. Brown Eyes. Ugh. He was encouraging me to check out the website. These two were worse than that couple that wanted me to save the whales with them or whatever.

Fine. I clicked the link and gave a cursory look at the page, just to say I did it. But then a picture caught my eye. I hadn’t seen him in forever. But it was him. Oh my god it was him.

**Why not start the series from the beginning? Click here to read about Libby’s first day as a vampire**