Libby’s Post – The only vampire I know is a nerd

Courtesy of BFS Man via Flickr

Courtesy of BFS Man via Flickr

We met at a breakfast café early Wednesday morning, and I found out he was just like me. This corduroy-wearing, thin as a rail, nerd was just like me.

Mr. Brown Eyes arranged the whole thing. He said we had to meet–we had common interests. When I first saw the guy I thought: As If!

But he cut right to the chase. He was a vampire too. A big, nerdo vampire.

Who knew something like this even existed? You would think with natural selection or evolution nerd vampires would go extinct. But there he was, sitting across from me, looking at me though those nerd glasses.

Thanks a lot, Mr. Brown Eyes. You somehow figured out my secret and instead of setting me up with the guys from The Vampire Diaries, or even staking me, you set me up with this geek.

He sort of looked like this guy. (Image courtesy of Andres Vilas via Flickr)

He sort of looked like this guy. I guess. I mean they all sort of look the same. (Image courtesy of Andres Vilas via Flickr)

So, Nerdo Vamp yammered away, while I tried to hide my face from the other breakfast eaters. I have an image to protect you know.

He smoothed his plaid button down shirt with spindly fingers. “Well, Libby, now that we are both privy to each other’s situations. I must tell you the reason for our meeting.”

I nodded.

“You see, I am a financial planner, for vampires. Now before you dismiss me, let me explain further.” He removed a gold embossed business card from his shirt pocket. “Vampires, especially those new to the lifestyle, have difficulties far beyond that of an ordinary human. We must plan for centuries of turbulence, the unknown, a life that stretches far beyond our imagination. A life that will be filled with great angst if not properly prepared for.”

I dropped the card into my purse and took a sip of tea. Could Nerdo be any more of a buzz kill?

“First tell me how you knew I was a vampire,” I said, trying not to stare at the muffin crumb dangling from his lip.

“Well yes, of course. How rude of me to dive right into my pitch without explaining more about us. My partner, the man you sold the home to, I have trained him to detect vampires. The small nuances, the subtle clues that give our kind away.” He reached for a lemon wedge, nearly knocking his water over. “Well, I’ve always been clumsy. Even vampirism couldn’t cure that.” He gave a sheepish smile and squirted lemon juice everywhere, but in his water glass. “I am especially interested in new vampires. And there has been so much activity in North Carolina, the Raleigh area.”

I popped a grape into my mouth, acting only semi-interested. “So, what was it about me that gave it away?”

“Well, Libby, you were dare I say, easy to sniff out.” He patted his lips with the napkin, finally ridding his face of the offending crumb. “Your fangs came out while you were showing the house.”

Courtesy Marek Isalski via Flickr

Courtesy Marek Isalski via Flickr

I shook my head.

“Yes, Libby, when you took the tumble in the bedroom. You might not recall since you took quite the hit to the head.”

“Oh,” I covered my mouth. “I guess I’m not as good at hiding it as I thought.”

“Don’t be alarmed. Your skill will improve with time.” He stole a look at his watch. “Well, Libby, I better be off. Please, take a look at my website and I’m on Twitter too.” He paused and let out a loud nerd laugh.

I tried not to wince.

“Who would have thought I’d be on Twitter? An old-fashioned guy like me. I was anti-wheel when it first came out.” He let out another nerd laugh. “You know, because I’m so old. Get it?”

The couple across from us whispered a few select words.

“Yeah, I get it. Very clever.”

“Yes, indeed.” He scooped up his briefcase and shook my hand. “Well, Libby it has been a pleasure meeting  you and I look forward to future conversations.”

I wiped my palm on the tablecloth and slunk back in my chair. Like I need Nerdo’s help. Evan and I have plenty of money. And I’m smart. I’ll just invest in real estate or gold or something.

My phone buzzed with a new text message. It was Mr. Brown Eyes. Ugh. He was encouraging me to check out the website. These two were worse than that couple that wanted me to save the whales with them or whatever.

Fine. I clicked the link and gave a cursory look at the page, just to say I did it. But then a picture caught my eye. I hadn’t seen him in forever. But it was him. Oh my god it was him.

**Why not start the series from the beginning? Click here to read about Libby’s first day as a vampire**

A Bridal Shower Took Over My Life (and I’m still here to talk about it)

craft suppliesGlue in your hair, burns on your fingertips, and a coffee buzz so strong your crafting materials sing show tunes right before your eyes. This is what happens when you host a bridal shower … a bridal shower inspired by PINTEREST.

I mentioned in a previous post that my cousin got married. Well, I offered to host the shower (because I have a foolish desire to make tea sandwiches and have strangers peer in my medicine cabinet) and became part of the whirlwind/sinkhole/minefield that is the wedding industry. It was amazing/utterly consuming.

My planning began innocently with an Internet search for bridal shower ideas, which piqued my interest in tissue poms. And that’s when I saw it: my first Pinterest page. It was beautiful. Dotted with images of tulle poms, felt flowers, paper rosettes, pastel and vibrant colored bunting. Things that no mere mortal could have possibly created. I was hooked.

I signed up for my own Pinterest account and soon I had the entire shower mapped out in a collage of images.

Almost all my free time was committed to the shower. I enlisted the help of my reluctant mother who eyed the glue gun nervously and cut cardstock with trepidation.

Soon, strings of fabric were embedded in the couch, rhinestones became tiny, foot piercing land mines, and wayward strands of glue floated in our wine glasses.

I tried to remain organized, but the crafting supplies quickly took over the house.

There were bags upon bags from Joann Fabric and Hobby Lobby to keep track of. Accusations spewed from my mouth when I couldn’t find the scraps of tulle I knew I’d saved.

Me (pacing the room): You threw it away, didn’t you!?!

My husband (staring blankly at the computer): I didn’t touch anything. I swear.

Me (now dumping the contents of bag after bag on the floor): Then, why is it gone? You just throw things away. That’s what you do. You’re trying to sabotage me!

My husband (still staring blankly at the computer): Did you try downstairs? Or in the bedroom?

Me (splayed out in a pile of felt, ribbon, buttons and despair): Yes, of course I checked.

My husband (now pushing a pile of fabric strips to the other side of couch and flicking on the TV): Well, go buy some more.

Me (bolting upright): And admit defeat! I won’t do it. I will find those scraps of tulle if I have dig through the dumpster!

My husband (shrugging): What do you want to watch tonight?

Me (walking into the bedroom to resume my search): Uh, never mind, found it. He he. It was stuffed behind a fake plant.

Then after my last day of work (woo hoo!), I went into full strategizing/crafting mode. I assigned priorities, duties, and command posts.

There were a couple glitches, but overall I think it turned out pretty awesome. Here are some pics:

Shower overview

The chair décor was made with fabric cut into 1 to 1 ½ inch strips and then sewn with a running stitch, leaving two loops on either end–I knew how the chairs would look before I started these, so I had an idea of how I would attach them. Various size tulle poms were taped to the top of the tent using fishing wire and clear duct tape.

table

table close up

We had mismatched plates on the table that my aunt was very kind to donate. For the flower vases, I wrapped old soup cans in thin scrapbook paper and embellished some with ribbon and buttons.Then, I used scraps of the same paper as cards for the guests to write their well wishes, etc. Lastly, the napkin rings were made from yarn poms. These are essentially the same concept as the tulle balls, you just wrap the yarn around a fork instead of a larger item like cutting board or large book. Then I tied a longer piece of yarn around the center of the pom, so that I now had two long strands that I could tie around the napkins after they were rolled.

bags

boxes

felt flowers

For the serving tables, I wrapped plain white gift boxes in ribbon and mixed this with cute gift bags stuffed with tissue paper. I also scattered some Scrabble tile words around along with some felt flowers.

photo booth

This was our photo booth (and we used it for the backdrop as the bride-to-be opened presents). I made bunting and rosettes using the same pack of scrapbook paper. For props, I made flower headbands and also a cowboy hat with a veil. The cowboy hat was easy. I just found a cheap hat at a party store, got a few yards of tulle, wrapped the tulle around the hat and tied a not in the back. Other props included: flowery dishwashing gloves you can sort of see in the picture below, an apron, broom, some mixing bowls, tea pot, big sunglasses, boas, masks, pinweels, and those big nose/fake mustache glasses.

Here are a couple pics of us enjoying the party:

The girls

Doting on Lindsay

We had a few people hang out after the shower (a shower isn’t a shower without an after-party) and in case you’re wondering, this is what one of my beautiful tables looked like the next day:

day after

Of course, now that the party’s over I’ll have to focus on why I quit my job in the first place–my novel. I’ve been doing some webinars and working on this author platform thingy everyone is talking about. I mean you can’t subsist on Pinterest crafts alone.

Better Late Than Never

Hey everyone! Today I am a guest blogger on Not Pretending to Be Sane. Check out my post to see why my hubby and I are late to everything from our engagement to our fifth anniversary. Thanks 🙂

 

 

Jodi Lea's Place

A Guest Post by Jennifer Windram

My husband and I can’t be bothered with things like time and dates. We are above them, beyond them and oblivious to them.

It all began with our engagement. My husband planned to propose on an early morning hike, which of course was a surprise to me. Well, hiking in Colorado usually calls for some forethought, some planning. My soon to be fiancé took care of all the details (food, location, gear) but thought nothing of time. We slept in, lingered at breakfast. I was ready to give up the prospect of hiking–it was already past seven in the morning. But he was insistent and we went. We were too late to get good parking, the storms rolled in by the time we reached the top and the day was long gone by the time we descended. Lesson learned we told ourselves. We will…

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